Ingolstadt

Since 2011 I wanted to go to Ingolstadt. I wanted to go to the University in Ingolstadt. Because I loved Audi. I wanted to study in Germany. I loved Audi. I didn't love cars. I loved Audi.
I know nothing else about old cars. I just know their engine sound good. Everything that fits together, and everything makes sense. And it's completely running.

Before that, I wanted to save the world. Energy saving stuffs and all that. I tried lots of things.
I tried to get interested. I realise maybe now, that something really interested me, I would definitely work towards it.
Then my dad said when I really put my head into something I really achieve it. I didn't know that of myself.
So I put myself into getting to work in Germany. To be an Engineer. because I told everyone, you
don't get to be a real engineer in Mauritius.
So now, some 5 years later, I am here, in Ingolstadt, sitting writing this blog. Listening to some violin music. Cello infact.
anyway. Yes I made it to Ingolstadt. I wanted it badly. I saw it. I was ready to put up with some farting old engineer with no matters. I have been said that my name don't fit here. So let's just call you Jo. I said ok. But it bothered me from the moment I heard it. I should have gone away from here two weeks ago. But I stayed.
Ingolstadt is truly beautiful, it's a village. The people are nice. The place is rich in many ways.
But it's not a place for me.
I am sad, yes.
I am clueless, yes.
I am also stubborn. I am hanging in between not know what I want and what I really want.
Putting it to words here, may help.
Things are almost ready, bags half packed. and we are back to Berlin.
Makes me smile. Saying we makes more sense now. All the things I do, it's now We do.

I don't know if it's bad luck saying this, but maybe I am just experiencing the things I really wanted in the past. Everything coming true in one way or the other.
I have been here 4 weeks and I didn't go to the Audi Museum.
Maybe I am out of love. Disillusioned.
Have I been in some kind of illusion. Hoping people will accept me for my work. Have they be judging me in other ways as well. ways I don't know of. Maybe.

On a lighter note, there are assholes everywhere. Everywhere. They cannot help it.

Thank you to myself to read the things I wrote while in Hertfordshire.
I have a terrible love for life. (Please someone write this about me when I am dead)

To see, to breathe, not to be locked it. We found love.
I am in love with a city. Walking around in its streets. It seems like my plan was always Berlin. Never has it been different.
Ich muss auf Deutsch denken, dann kann ich mehr sprechen, oder?
Man macht Fehler. Wir machen Fehler. Das ist auch Ok.
Der Luft, in Ingolstadt, gefällt mir sehr.
Ja ja, ich weiß dass ich viele negative Dinge über Ingolstadt gesprochen habe.
Aber es ist hier zu klein.

Ich habe 10 Postkarte gekauft, aber habe nur 2 geschickt, und das macht auch keine Sinn.
Ich bin keine Hexe.
Glaube, dass ich technischer Deutsch lernen muss. das werde mir helfen.
Verrückt, das was bin ich.
Total verrückte!!

A stranger in the snow

I promised someone a love letter.
And I have just decided that its subject will be a Stranger in the snow.

Continuously I re-evaluate myself. with respect to others. Do I treat others well enough?
I do not know, 2 of my childhood friends no longer are my best friends. We never had much in common. Is it the real reason? Until further notice, I will take the blame upon myself.
Like the Hatfield tragedy. But wait, I have started to realise it wasn't really love at all.

Things take time, and good work takes its own time. I would love to be able to write it in German, but I am not very sure of myself. My good friend will end up correcting my grammar instead. So please excuse me.
I am allowing time to do its thing.

When I will set foot in that beautiful city,
I will say that I have reached home again,
I have things in my head,
My list of things to do gets longer,
And you keep getting ahead of everything else,

Cannot go on.

Gesund zu sein

Here I am, in my precious Berlin, with my precious Berlin. Things have thoroughly changed.
The winds are still very cold. But it is Spring.
Nothing rivals the beauty of spring.

Words are words... they are simply here to convey message. As long as the intentions are good.
I came back here to soothe the mind a bit.
I have found a wonderful friend. We share all the precious things in life.
He is sure nicer than I am, puts up with my stupidities.

Then there's the Vegan movement of Berlin. It's so much easier to be vegetarian or vegan or vegetalian or whatever here.
Then there are vegan clothes as well. Everything exists in Berlin.
And in the Flohmarkt, they sell just anything. Anything and everything.

Yes. I am half lying on the sofa, trying to push away negative thoughts. Yes, they occur, on every monday, every weekend, every wednesday night, almost always.
But the skies are blue. We'll live.

The clothes, jeans are being washed , Kurz und Wasser plus.

I have decided to eat more fruits and drink my water early morning when I wake up.
Healthier. Gesund.

I had an interview last week. The first of the year, since I have been here.
In Frankfurt and it was a beautiful city.
I blabbered. They blabbered more than I did.
then i  just paused on writing this post, to google what it means when the interviewers talked more than me.
I am on the Desperate side of the story since some months now.
I keep counting days in my head. keep checking the emails whole day.

Ah mais enfin. I get afraid, I won't be able to stay here. As I said before, I don't have any backup plan. Sure there are so many things to do.

Just cleaned the house.
I have been learning Python. I never really liked programming. Always found it boring. Or it seems I left when it was getting interesting. once again! et enfin! it seems that it's catching up with me.
hmm!
Maybe I need to watch a few episodes of CSI or just Pirates. some Jack Sparrow always does me good. The courage.
Am on a bad slope right now. So let's talk about the next thing that is bothering me. The fact that I will keep on complaining after getting a job.
it never stops, does it? we are never satisfied.

Yep hoped that at the end of the post I would feel better about myself. only a little.