Irish purple

Hello gelllo!
doesn't make sense! okay . sorry..

I play the piano. did i tell you that. well yeah i learn to play.
It's absolutely good for the brain. ..

because yeah you know, the brain. it completely hates new things. it like the well walked, run along path.
and when you're learning new things, creating new paths. well it gets angry. shouts at you to do usual things. but that brain, yeah, should be taught new things.
yeah doesn't make much sense.
don't worry. you'll figure it out.

I am not out and about.
My job is currently to look for a job.
Something i'd settle in. be good at.

I was chasing the moon last evening. My friend says I need a boyfriend. Old and no boyfriend.
Told him I liked him.
Then i got pissed at myself.

I don't like to be reminded that I got no boyfriend, or am alone. or whatever. or have no hand to hold.
or whatever.
So i listened to Savage Garden. The lover after me. To the moon and back. and it got me crying ofcourse. because it made bloody sense. Darren Hayes i will have your babies if you don't mind.

then I started to watch New Girl again. it's not exactly funny. But spot on!
I got no job. I am hypochondriac. I stay away from people.

I am not a robot. I think i need to remind myself of that more often.
am a hot/warm blooded person. was gonna write woman! but who am i bloody talking to !

You do not define me. I do not define me. Why should I define me.

I am going to bloody Berlin in 2 weeks. In july, am going to be back to Europe.
I am leaving nothing here.
Last time I left my country, there were grey eyes that haunted me. calling me back home. I wanted to work with that old man! I loved him. still do.

But this time, no sir! nothing.
I looked at the photos of my second home, hertfordshire. i looked at the sky. and oh lord, those skies were mine.
Am glad I got connected.
Some lines i wrote some years back made sense now.
good enough.

I have more skies to explore. More sunlight to block from my eyes.
more flowers to wonder about.

The problem with staying silent, is people have their time to make all sorts of ideas about you.
and it gets funny when they think that you are actually stupid. oh! what-eva!

hah!

I know what a heavy heart means now. it's when you are deeply connected to something, physically away from it but still it's part of you. you remember the smell of it, how the air felt maybe the noise as well.
Being present in that moment, in that place. You actually have roots there once you're connected.
Is it what they call happiness.
and the ache to just be there again. Because everything there belongs to you. without effort. and no one takes that from you.

I am going to Berlin.. yes finally. no fuss about it.
My dearest Divya says am going on adventure. she got it all right without me telling her.
I didn't know what to tell her back. that she will have her adventure too..?
She knows me all too well. knows I won't settle.

I will not settle for anything. I am going to own everything i want. Owning is such a terrible word you think?
I mean i own the skies. The colours are mine. the sunshine is mine and ofcourse the moon.

so! I will not settle. maybe I do want an Irish guy!

I am going to write it so it doesn't bother me...
I looked at our pictures together, something wasn't fitting. He didn't look mine.
He kept on saying things. I agreed. I love him immensely. but he just didn't look mine.
there was something wrong. was i forcing things.
Lesson learnt, I will shut my mouth.
Ok done.

I ain't no sunshine darling!
I ain't no moonbeam,