Past twelve

It's been only 2 months away from Berlin. I just counted it. This cannot be. only two months? that's lots of days.

I am hoping to get away there soon. I cannot stay here anymore.
Even my garden, doesn't help a lot. I don't know why.

Well, the good news is that, as ever, my previous post was to lift myself up. I am down under right down. Also hoping it's the hormones.

The other good thing that I forgot to mention was that I found the soul of Berlin.
Last time, I was standing on that balcony of the 5th floor, thinking of it.
Then I was laying on the grass in the Reichstag garden, at night, after a wonderful evening walking in the Friedrichstraße, I decided that the soul of Berlin was next to me. Looking at the stars, we were just enjoying each other. I told him of my constellations. Cassiopeia, Cygnus and Vega. How I didn't see them in the south.
Then automatically he said, there must be those I couldn't see from the north. We spoke of Scorpio.
I was holding very tight of him when I saw that one falling star I had gone chasing the night before.

The sun had painted the old buildings made of bricks that evening. one of the most beautiful sunsets, in the most beautiful street.
He had danced to the music that was coming from an unseen singer. Bob Marley. Rich mama!
 I am a stiff person. I rarely move to the music when in the open.
But on another night, much later, I was dancing with him, when that little lady was singing wonderfully under bridge near Alexanderplatz. Was nearly midnight.
He was more surprised when I was moving along.

To a more sad part of my today's story; It is sounding more and more strange to me that I was in Berlin.
It's not the same as Hatfield. Someone there had made me cry terribly. with anger. being stubborn to prove something to the world. Just a stupid girl.
Am still a stupid girl. But now, I am a small stupid girl with black hair and brown eyes.
I got defined!

Saw something today: Too busy feeling feelings and overthinking about them.
Yes, I had spent lots of my time analysing what was, what could be,
Even think I was manipulated.

Have we been enchained? Perhaps. By?

It was definitely the night at the Beer festival that opened me up. Yes I needed some kind of approval that I was visible.
I felt more drunk than those who actually drank the beer and ate the Wurst!
The music, the people. Life was about being okay.
Okay, Accept who they are and how they behave.
They find you beautiful and they find you ugly.
You are small, you are tall.
They find you fair and you are dark.
Everything is suddenly so subjective.
And you want to find something constant.
And will soon complain about it.
Have you forgotten your last love.
Are you afraid to jump into something new.
Are you still stubborn, repeating old mistakes.

The good thing is we are comfortable with silences.